Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
