In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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