dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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