it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
