i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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