maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
