i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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