I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
