It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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