Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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