Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
