I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
