I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize