What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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