Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
