Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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