Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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