I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
