Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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