So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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