So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize