just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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