I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
