shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
