I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
