I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
