we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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