Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
