So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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