I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
