She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
