I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize