I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
