He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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