A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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