I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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