I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
