its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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