Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
