My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
