Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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