What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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