you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Still dying that you shit outside
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
