I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
