It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
