pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
