So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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