his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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