just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
