need another drink. this is the easiest way
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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