you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drunk is not a location!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
