i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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