doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
