Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
