she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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