I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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