so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
