Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
