the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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