I could have mohawked her pubes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
