I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
