god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
