Will you blow on my dice?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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