I just threw up on my dentist
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
