I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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