Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
