I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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