it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
