You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
