Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
home. puking in laundry basket.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
