my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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