cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
