I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this boner is exhausting
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
