its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
