They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
