I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
