Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
