I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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