You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
