I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
