thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
