i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize