What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
