I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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