I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize