he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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