3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
