PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
