I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
