hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
