Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
