Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is Oprah even human
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
