ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of course I have a pirate flag
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
