I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
